The Olympics, As Seen From My Couch

This should have come out Friday, but suffice it to say some American University kids threw a wicked old school kegger this weekend, so it’s coming out Monday. Better this way anywho, because I can talk about the Hockey, and on the 30th anniversary of USA 4, USSR 3. First, though, my thoughts on these 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, of which I have seen more than my fair share:

To start off, were those opening ceremonies not absurd? Everything had a cloud over it due to the death of that poor Georgian luger, but I think the biggest problem was that Canada was following that unbelievable Chinese spectacle to open the Beijing Olympics a little over a year and a half ago, and they knew it. They never had a chance to create anything like what China was capable of (if nothing else, Communism can do pageantry), but that didn’t stop them from trying in their particularly Canadian way. From my limited experience, Canadians just don’t have the same concept of production value as the rest of us. Campy is king for the Canucks, and they put this on display for all the world. True, there were some cool moments, and some nifty effects, but overall, I spent a lot of time wondering what I was looking at. Did they demonstrate the colorful mosaic of Canadian culture? Maybe. Did they have a giant polar bear and a lot of gyrating Indians, people in white and dudes in kilts? Yup. I just don’t know.

This has been a brilliant Olympics for the good ol’ U.S. of A. Lindsey Vonn, after steaming up the SI swimsuit issue has overcome a difficult injury and untold amounts of scrutiny to get a gold medal in her best event, the Downhill, which was an incredible thing to watch. She caught some hell for not going quite as balls-to-the-wall (at least in the Washington Post) in subsequent events (still winning a bronze as well as of Monday morning) but damn, the girl skied faster than anyone else in the Downhill, and she did it on one leg; give her a break if she doesn’t have a whole lot left for the Super G. Speaking of, what is the Super G? I get Downhill, I get Slalom, I get Combined, but what is Super G?

We saw Lindsey win when she was supposed to, which is one of the most difficult things to do in sport, and we also saw Bode Miller come back from the dead and take a gold, a silver, and a bronze already. He got no pub, no endorsements, no nothing coming in after the hectic egg he laid in Italy four years ago, and I didn’t even know he was there at all until he had already won his gold medal. He looks fat and he knows it, freely admitting he did not condition for these games properly. Yet there he is, racking up the hardware and reinventing his Olympic legacy with every podium appearance. It’s redemption at its best, and is one of my favorite story lines of the whole shindig.

One American figure skater has PETA after him and another trounced the favored Russian, Yevgeny Plushenko, much to the dismay of all the Motherland. I love these guys, though I admit I didn’t see their event. We didn’t come to Vancouver with a whole lot of national pride on the line. None of the sports being contested is vital to our collective consciousness, no matter how much we enjoy seeing them every four years. Thus, the most fun lies in shocking other countries who do have their identities tied to these Winter Games. It’s not always successful though.

Our speed skaters are running into some stiff resistance. After all the Colbert-driven exposure, I figured we would be dominant on the ice tracks, but the Koreans and Dutch are defiantly tempering my ambitions. Shani Davis did get one gold and Apolo Ohno has become the most decorated US Winter Olympian on the short track, but he did it with a bronze and Davis was surprised in the 1500M and took silver. There are more events to go, including the short track 5000M relay, which is going to be nuts if they ever run it. It seems like the qualifying was a week ago. I also shouldn’t say that Ohno got “just” a bronze in that race, what he should have done was go down on a tough slip, but somehow he didn’t, and flew back onto the podium in the nick of time. It was truly impressive.

Maine native Seth Wescott won gold at the coolest event of the Olympics for the second straight time; Snowboard Cross. He had to come from behind to do it, and was one of the first American heroes of the games. They are calling that event “NASCAR on snow” and I would say the comparison is warranted. Crazy crashes at high speeds and slick passes on tight turns with dramatic finishes make this my new favorite, since curling hasn’t treated me right this year. More on that later.

Lindsey Jacobellis on the other hand managed to shed the stigma of her early celebration to earn some hype and a national ad spot going into the games, but she was one of our few duds, failing to make the finals of women’s Snowboard Cross and remaining unredeemed. I guess we can’t have everything.

Vonn and Hannah Teter got the spread in SI, but there is American fire all over that town these days. Teter isn’t even the hottest snowboarder. That honor would belong to the lovely and talented Grechen Bleiler, who nailed some of the best tricks of the night before wiping out in the Halfpipe Finals. Then there our ice dancer chicks, especially Meryl Davis, a couple of our speed skaters (Allison Baver is worth a google); even one of our curling ladies is pretty hot. Of course, we’re not the only country bringing sexy back to Canada, but we are definitely showing well.

Speaking of curling, the US teams have been one of the few disappointments in Vancouver, stymieing the groundswell of support that always seems to spring up during the Winter Olympics for the sport. I’ve seen as much curling as anyone, since it is all NBC show during the day, and I am bummed about the performance of our teams, but far worse than the play of the Americans is the coverage of the games. Both color commentators have no concept of the strategy of the game, or if they do they don’t bother to inform us of it. They’ll decide what they would do in the current situation, tell the audience, and disagree with anything other than their decision without any explanation of the possible motives or consequences of the shot being played. There is also no analysis of the strategy of the game beyond the next shot. Worse than anything, though, is how they only show the American games, even when there are three others going simultaneously. You hear the crowd erupt after a good shot by the Canadians and all the announcers say is “that must have been a good shot by the Canadians. The fact that the Americans are so heartbreakingly bad makes this even worse. It’s like a network covering a golf tournament and only following one crappy golfer who is not even going to make the cut. Oh, and to add insult to injury, NBC will double up on ads so that they will nearly miss entire ends. Ridiculous. Finally on Monday morning they showed a match between powerhouses Britain and Canada which reminded me why I ever thought this game was cool. It had well-played shots, it had sound strategy, and it had drama. Finally. Without that, I probably would have written curling off altogether.

Russia played the Czech Republic in Hockey Yesterday in a good game, and Alex Ovechkin is getting all kinds of kudos up here in Washington for slamming 67-year-old Jaromir Jagr to the ice at the center line. Yeah, way to go, Alex. Why don’t you go to my dad’s house and throw him down some stairs while you’re at it.

As we all know by now, Canada had never won a home gold medal coming into these Olympics. That I was why I was happy to see that Canuck win in the Men’s Mogul’s on the second day of competition; it made last night even sweeter, knowing that the monkey was already off Canada’s back. I’d feel a little bad if we crushed that dream.

Last night was the best hockey game I have ever seen, and I have seen some barn-burners. I started watching not really believing that we would win, but hoping we could force OT and improve our seeding in tournament play. But the Americans came out firing and swung the momentum in their favor quickly, and controlled the game with timely goals to answer the Canadians. Miller absolutely dominated the entire game from the cage, reminiscent of Michael Craig, and the Americans looked like they just wanted it more. I hadn’t even been looking forward to this game, but damn I was glad I watched it. NBC couldn’t even dork it up, because apparently Canada got to dictate the stoppages, and therefore there were none for ads during play. It was pure, old-time hockey and it was what you would expect of the best in the world. Maybe it was more. Both teams played furiously and passionately. Neither gave an inch and there was never a lull in the action. Canada would pressure the American zone interminably, but Miller would make a couple miraculous saves and the Americans would fly down the ice to challenge the best goalie on earth (who did not have a good game). It was wide open and had all the intensity a struggle between two nations battling for supremacy should have. Wasn’t that the best part? Normally you get these teams made of pro athletes and their unfamiliarity and lack of enthusiasm leads to uninspired efforts, but not in this Olympics. The Canadians, Russians, Americans, and Czechs all look dominant and hungry, and though the Americans are looking at a 1 or a 2 seed going into the tournament, the Gold is still anyone’s to take. In fact, I expect the Canucks to play fierce and determined with their backs against the wall, while the Americans might have a letdown after winning the biggest game in USA hockey history in 30 years. We’ll see.