Cincinnati Redlegs-
Key Acquisitions: Aaron Miles 2B, Aroldis Chapman SP, Orlando Cabrera SS
Key Departures: NONE
Outlook: The Redlegs look to improve on last year’s finish after falling away by midseason. There were so many holes visible in last year’s performance that this off-season, the front office must have felt like a kid in a candy store. Not a single move could have missed because anything and everything would have been an improvement. The Reds lacked offense last year, for the first time in a decade. They struggled to move runners, failed to take walks, and struck out almost as many times as they did when they had the automatic K machine (Dunn). And, for the first time even over two decades, pitching appeared to be the one strong suit. They had great young arms in Volquez and Cueto, and with the addition of Chapman, the young Cuban pitcher who defected during last year’s World Baseball Classic, and in turn made the choice to possible save a franchise. He is apparently one of the most sought after arms (likened to Dice-K in many circles) and tops out at the triple digits in mph. They resigned Rolen at 3B, who despite age brings a class and work ethic to the Reds that last year almost saved this team. With Miles, and Cabrera giving back up to Phillips at 2B the Reds should see a marked improvement in hitting production out of the middle infield. That leaves the outfield, which unfortunately the Reds seemed to have forgotten all about. They appear content on maintaining their youth, with Bruce in RF, Stubbs in CF, and Dickerson in LF. All together now, “who the f*ck are these guys?!?” That right, Im seeing an almost Major League-esque performance this year if they see production and not injuries from their few veterans. With Broyo and Harang (always tops in Ks in the NL) at the front of their rotation, and Dusty’s history of working miracles on bullpens, the Reds may be looking at the positive side of 80 wins. “May” being the operative word.
Projected Record: 88-74
St. Louis Cheaters-
Key Acquisitions: Brad Penny SP
Key Departures: John Smoltz SP
Outlook: Well, after this winter’s admission from current hitting coach Mark McGuire, these Cards should be looking forward to a season of boo-birds and a sign depicting some sort of cartoon version of the Bash Brother’s sticking each other in the butts. Yea, I went there. They lost their true veteran pitcher in Smoltz and hope to replace that arm with Penny. Yea, its not going to work. They are still going to crush the ball with Superman playing 1B for them but past that, they have a slew of fresh faces who hope to provide some sort of protection for their Kryptonian Warrior. They have retained Holliday who will serve as the strongest bat next to Pujol’s but past that, some young guys will really need to step up. Their pitching should be strong, with Carpenter coming back healthy and after ending last year as the hottest pitcher in baseball that cant be a bad thing, but past him, they are expecting Wainwright, Lohse, and Penny to hold up the other 3 days Carpenter cant go. In their bullpen they have one of the best young Closers in Franklin but beyond him, they are looking at the age of Reyes to anchor what is a rather shallow bullpen. This is still the team that seems to always win the Central, no matter who they put out there, and I would thank their fans for that. Lets see if they can will their Cards to another Division Title.
Projected Record: 95-67
Milwaukee Commissioners-
Key Acquisitions: NONE
Key Departures: NONE
Outlook: This is a team that honestly should scare people. They did little to effect any major change, and that may have just been the right call for a team as young as the Brewers were last year. If we take a look at last year’s team, I think we will see why the GM and entire coaching staff were willing to take a backseat in free agency and their results be their proof. They are a team based around the young powerful bats of Fielder and Hart, and around the speed of Weeks and Braun. Oh, and did I mention they have one of the best young starters in the league? With Gallardo locked up for long term, we should now see why they were so willing to take a short stay from Sabbathia in exchange for some patience with Gallardo. The only real moves they made were locking up some bullpen help in Letroy Hawkins and Todd Coffey. I think they could have done more in attracting some big time help in the back end of their rotation, what with Suppan and Manny Parra bringing up the rear. It’s a shame that they don’t have a legit number two starter to move Wolf and Doug Davis to the end of the rotation where they rightfully belong. Its going to be a long year for the Brew Crew, with lots and lots of long shots to deep left center. The only downside to that is it will be both sides launching them deep.
Projected Record: 75-87
Chicago Pups-
Key Acquisitions: Marlon Byrd
Key Departures: Milton Bradley
Outlook: Well, lets start with the offense. With the departure of the walking/talking cancer that is Milton Bradley, the Cubbies welcomed into the fold Mr Marlon Byrd. Welcome Mr Byrd to the twilight zone, hope your stay is comfortable. Please enjoy all the sunny afternoons in Wrigley as the life is sucked out of your career just like every other Cubs player. That’s right folks, Im going ahead and calling it how I see it and for whatever reason, being a Cub makes you suck. Look at that line up; Derrick Lee, Alfonso Soriano, , Ryan Theriot, Aramis Rameriz, and Geovany Soto to name a few. Its honestly enough to make you want to cry for all their lost careers. All of them quality hitters and even the likes of Soriano are seeing a drop in his career numbers. Its swallowed the likes of Zambrano and Lily, Dempster and Marmol. I ca see them playing well for about a month and then one of them goes down with a minor injury that will render them on the DL for the remainder of the year. That one player will happen to be the lynch pin in their offensive or defensive identity and bam, the next thing you know they are limping into the end of the season with 80 plus losses…again. Its sad, but for Cubs fans, you are looking ahead at a season of unreasonable poor defense up the middle from two great middle infielders, Theriot and Fontenot. New theory! Canada has always been mediocre and lame and maybe Theriot and Fontenot are Canadian underachievers sent down from the Big White North to sabotage the Cubbies with their silent letters and mediocre ways. Who knows…Ive heard so many crazy Lost theories lately maybe I am starting to get conspiracy crazy. Or maybe I’m finally catching on to Canada’s great scheme to lower our standards and ooze socialism onto us from above. You decide.
Projected Record: 70-92
Houston No-Names-
Key Acquisitions: NONE
Key Departures: NONE
Outlook: NOT GOOD. This team went from boring to even more boring, if that was possible. They don’t have speed. They don’t have power. They don’t have pitching, starting or relief. They don’t have veterans and they don’t have rookies. They dont even have prospects. Life is bleak in Houston. What stars they do have are looking more and more beaten down with each passing season. You have Oswalt at the top of the rotation, with a young Wandy Rodriguiz to back him up, and with Lindstrom and Lyon being your two arms out of the bullpen, its left looking a little thin on pitching. And on the offensive side you have a rapidly aging Berkman, a toothless Carlos Lee and some speedsters in Bourn, Pence and Kaz Matsui. Beyond that, its all no names and journeymen minor leaguers filling out a line up that’s rather thin as well. All this is not to say winning is out of the question, for we have seen a team built much the same way perform well into the post season. I give you this year’s Colorado Rockies, circa 2008. They too had few role players and few veterans to turn to in the middle of tough games. They learned quickly that season how to win in the face of overwhelming odds. I will go so far as to say lightening like that strikes once or twice a decade, and we have seen two teams do it so far this century. Could this be the new formula for success? No real stars, just a team that becomes a cohesive unit down the stretch, only to face Goliath in the World Series and win?! Nope, cause as we have seen the last two years, big money equals big results, at least most of the time. LOL.
Projected Record: 68-94
Pittsburgh Steelers/Penguins-
Key Acquisitions: NONE
Key Departures: EVERYONE
Outlook: This team dumped its roster last year and will do so again and again until the team folds or moves. Its sad, cause this used to be a franchise that had respect and a history of winning. In Pittsburgh, they are busy watching the Pens win it all again and then watching training camps and the Steelers the rest of the way. Only bright spot will be watching Andrew McCutchen play his way onto a contender by mid-summer. Im hoping the Reds or Sawx nab him because his speed makes him the last remaining gem in Three Rivers, er sorry, PNC. I give this team a legit shot at losing 120 games this year. They are going to struggle to score with LaRoche as their power hope and their pitching hopes lie with Paul Maholm and Octavio Dotel. Not good folks, not good at all. The bright side could be that there is only one player who should play their way out of baseball purgatory this summer, so, get attached Pirate fans! These loveable losers are yours, probably for a season and a half or so? Maybe?
