Fine, Let's Do This: Ballghazi Discussed

Phatty:  Alex and I got into it one night about Deflategate after the Patriots won the Super Bowl.  I can't enjoy that properly with this nonsense hanging over me, so we hashed it out.  ColeHoops got into the action as well.

The Other Guy:  Au Naturel
Phatty:  Bold
ColeHoops:  Italics

So, as an acknowledged Colts fan I have taken some time to process this entire "Deflategate" issue.  Here are my thoughts so far, taking into account the most recent evidence, the Patriots Super Bowl win, and the history of an organization that includes one rather massive blemish.

Alright, I'll bite. What do you have for me?

 The easiest place to start would be to state that, as a Colts fan, I fully admit that any tampering that may or may not have occurred to the footballs would have had absolutely zero impact on the outcome of the AFC Championship game.  It pains me to say so but the Patriots so completely dominated the Colts that it is very, very difficult to speculate upon what effect a deflated football could have had on a game where the Colts were too soft defensively to stop an overwhelming rushing performance and defensive game plan that completely cancelled out the brilliance that is Andrew Luck.  It should be noted that all experts have expounded upon the suspected advantage a team would have, i.e. ability to hold on to a football in adverse weather conditions, ability to throw the ball with greater accuracy, ability to grip the ball quicker and thus release the football quicker; all of those things were readily apparent to myself while I watched the game.  Some of those things could be explained away with the simple sweeping explanation of Tom Brady's greatness, Bill Belichick's coaching greatness, and the apparent resurgent prowess of Lagarrete Blunt...er....Blount.  I have read the many reports that show a dramatic drop off in fumbles by the Patriots since the league changed the rules to allow teams to bring their own balls to the games.  But, as we all know, statistics can be manipulated to suit the purpose of the argument being made.

Did you just claim you noticed that the balls were deflated in real time?  Also, stop trying to make the stats I am most proud of into evidence of evil.  Bill knows ball protection.  He protects Tom, Tom protects the ball, Bill benches guys who fumble, and he benches them for a long damn time.  It's not rocket science, though it is a level of football coaching never before attained.

I would tread lightly, too, when it comes to that rules change.  You know who else petitioned for that?  Ya boy, Peyton Manning.  BURN HIM!!!!!

So, lets gloss over those obviously damning reports, and jump right to the issue of the vilification of the Patriots.  My good compadre is a die hard Pats fan and has pointed out that despite the admission of a one Mr. Aaron Rodgers that he has regularly tried to over-pump his balls (only in Sports are statements like that deemed acceptable in public conversation, lol) nobody has been screaming about his legacy.  The simple and often overlooked reason for Rodgers being forgiven is that the second part of his admission was that the Refs regularly deflate his footballs and that he finds it frustrating.  In the same vein, Brady has gone on record a few years ago admitting that he prefers his balls softer to the touch.  When his statement was made on the radio there was little to cause an uproar because nothing in stating a preference is inherently wrong.  Where the uproar stems from, as far as I can tell, is that this particular issue revolves around a Patriots franchise that has already suffered a rather damaging scandal in its not too distant past.

Aaron Rodgers gets mad when he tries to cheat and the refs deflate his balls? (Psh, I'm sure the refs DO deflate his balls.  Zing!) And yet we are still the bad guys. 

Are the reports obviously damning, or are statistics unreliably malleable?  I'm confused now.  

And how much SO MUCH WORSE stuff has to happen in the NFL before we stop hearing about the next thing you are going to make us hear about?


Enter the Spygate espousers.

I would make the case that if this entire deflating issue had been perpetrated by say, the Saints, we would see a larger than expected outcry for the heads of Sean Payton and Drew Brees because of Bountygate.  This is an assumption and I will admit we could never know for sure, but consider the multiple supposed transgressions being committed by the Patriots.  For those who don't remember, the Patriots were fined and docked a draft pick for video taping another team's practice/play calls on the sidelines.  While video taping was not expressly against the rules it had been addressed by in a league memo as prohibited.  The easy comparative issue in sports would be in Major League Baseball, circa 1998.  McGuire and Sosa were not doing anything that was expressly forbidden but both of those gentlemen will sooner see a pig fly out of my butt than see themselves inducted in the Hall of Fame.  Not saying its right, but it is what it is.  And it is where I draw the inspiration for my next statement.  Tom Brady, and Bill Belichick for that matter, will have a hard time recovering from deflategate if it is discovered that they did in fact unlevel the playing field.

I have to say I think you are wrong about Drew Brees and Sean Payton.  They are not routinely villified like the Pats.  You know why?  Because they don't win as much.  Simple math.  

Small tangent...if they did somehow tamper with the footballs, this will go down as the dumbest sports decision, something of Watergate proportions.  For you kids out there, Nixon did some espionage/spy stuff that was completely uncalled for and completely unneeded during the second election he would go on to win.  The Pats were going to win NO MATTER WHAT.  If they did tamper with the footballs it just goes to show that no matter the greatness of a player, coach, or person, self doubt affects us all.  Its sad if you think about it.  And it begs the question that makes my next point....if they tampered with the footballs for a game they were going to win anyways (as they have been proven to have done so in their regular season match up with the Colts....in a dome...so the weather excuse is complete crap) then how long have they been doing it?  Its the same doubt that was cast by Spygate.  Fans everywhere were made to doubt one of the greatest runs in Football history for the simple fact that if they would resort to filming the lowly Jets, who wouldn't they film.  The same can be said of Deflategate.  If they felt the need to gain an unneeded advantage over a Colts team clearly just happy to be there then who wouldn't they try the same tactic with.  I get that speculation is dangerous and really is a slippery road to walk down, but as a kid who lied quite often to my parents I can tell you that once that first lie is told, parents will never trust you as completely as they did before those tainted words escaped your mouth.  If it weren't for Spygate, a proven, albeit not overtly illegal tactic at the time, transgression then these Patriots would not be on the precipice of Sports purgatory.  Brady wouldn't be so close to being mentioned with the likes of A-Rod, Bonds, Sosa and McGuire.

First, albeit NOT ILLEGAL are the key words about Spygate. Could not have said it better myself. 

Second, we answered Spygate with one of the most dominant seasons in sports history.  

And finally, speculating over what kind of assholes the Pats are if they had made the balls squishy is like speculating what would have happened if Russia won the Crimean War. Apparently interesting for some people, but ultimately completely meaningless. Because they didn't.

The mentioning of A-Rod brings me to my next point.  I would greatly appreciate it if all fans of other NFL teams would just climb down from their high horses and admit that they too would defend their team with the same unwavering support that the Patriots fans are displaying.  I don't see any Yankee fans ready to give back any of their division, league or world series championships just because they continue to employ the absolute worst example of "sports integrity".  A-Rod is a proven cheater, multiple times over and yet Yankee fans will still cheer him if he somehow discovers the next great designer drug that allows him to juice his way to another 50 home run season.  Its the same Ostrich syndrome that has been exhibited by Cardinal fans, Cubs fans, and fans of any team who has a player doing anything less than savory.  It is not exclusive to the Patriots.  As a Seminoles fan I know first hand how it feels to have the entire sports world dogging my team for suspected transgressions AND I know how infuriating it is to have reporters abandon their journalistic responsibility just to get more clicks on their articles.  Innocent until proven guilty is a pillar of this country and it extends from Ray Rice to Tom Brady and applies to every player, coach and person in between.

Exactly. From Ray Rice, a guilty man with heaps of damning evidence against him, ALL THE WAY to Tom Brady, an innocent man with zero evidence against him. That is what I'd call a spectrum, from one extreme to the other with light years in between.  LIGHT YEARS.

Also, WHOA! We are NOT A-Rod fans. He did something WRONG (lots and lots of things... what a fucker). See, there is the difference.

I know it must sound like I am straddling the fence on this whole issue so let me make myself perfectly clear.  I believe that Tom Brady has been deflating his footballs since the league made the ridiculous rule that allows teams to provide their own.  I believe that it has given him an advantage that has allowed the Patriots to, statistically speaking, defy the odds and turn the ball over less.  I believe it has helped neutralize the home field disadvantage the Foxboro provides.  I believe that he has lied to the public.  I believe that Belichick was in the know.  And I believe that the team, the coach, and the QB must pay dearly for their useless transgression.  And it saddens me deeply.  We have witnessed one of the greatest minds of our time, and one of the greatest passers of our time throw their legacy away much like Bonds and McGuire did.  And they did it without needing to.  And, in advance of the piping in crowd noise argument, I will go ahead and point out that the owner of the Falcons did the smart thing, admitted his wrong and has asked for forgiveness.  I truly believe that if Terrific Tom had simply admitted his wrong doing everyone would have moved on without too much vitriol.  I point to Ray Rice and the way the public seems to have easily sided with an admitted wife beater.  And I point to Ray Lewis, a man who managed to plead bargain his way out of murder charges and still worked his way onto cable television.

Alright, those are my thoughts so far.  The ball is in your court sir.

Your beliefs notwithstanding, they didn't do it. Not to say I do not respect your opinion.  I think you have read and watched and listened and come up with something that seems to you very cogent, and I think you did it in a way that is worthy of the respectful candor we are enjoying now.  But I am going to now say some strong things directed at the great unwashed masses, and if anyone reading this is among that mob, fuck you straight away.  Then suck on this.

There is no evidence against them. There is absolutely nothing but the sour grapes of a nation of sports fans unfortunately for them born outside of New England. I don't blame most folks too much. I hate the Yankees, and their historic success doesn't help (if people still care what happened before color TV (see? I can be bitter)). I hated the Cowboys when they were good. I FUCKING hate the Habs for winning all the damn time against the Bs in the playoffs.  I hate Bron Bron, mostly because of how he left Cleveland, but a little for winning two championships, including one that I thought could have gone to the Cs.  So I get it. Just admit it to yourself.

I am not going to get into the details. Any of you people can read anywhere about how there is no evidence. It is no secret. I just have to live in fear for a while of Goodell punishing them despite a complete lack of evidence. Because that's how Goodell do.

But what everyone else has to worry about is their willingness to allow bald-faced jealousy to drive what they tell themselves are logical opinions. Come on, America, you know better. Just come to grips with it. You hate us because we win all the damn time. There is nothing wrong with that. Hate away. We will continue beating you in fully legal ways, and you will keep hating it. But clinging to these hare brained notions? C'mon. If ONE THING came out that implicated the Greatest Coach and/ or Quarterback of All Time, just one, I would not be inclined to take such a hard line. But when even The Science Guy can't make an argument stick against you, maybe, just MAYBE, you are actually innocent.

AIR PRESSURE LOW IN COLD WEATHER!

MAN SPENDS 90 SECONDS IN RESTROOM!

Get out of here.

That's my take.  I invite your response, and any thoughts that ColeHoop might have on this subject as well.


Ok, so my initial reaction was a lot of garbled, half screamed retorts at my computer screen.  Then I calmed down and somehow managed to clear my mind enough to spot a few holes in your side of this whole mess.

First, it's easy to claim that the entire outrage is rooted in hating winners.  You and I both know that's fundamentally untrue. Just look at Alabama.  Nobody really hates Bama and they have owned cowwege football for years.  And why isn't Bama subject to the rage that seems to follow the Patriots?  Because they do things clean (enough) to not illicit legitimate outrage with how they operate as a program.  It's simplistic to simply say you're on top so of course people hate you.  Being on top, when paired with the proper attitude and handling of one's business makes you above reproach.  Spygate took away the Pats ability to be above reproach just as A-Rod served as a cementing of most baseball fan's hatred of the Yankees.  Outside of rivalries, the Red Sox are not hated.  The Giants aren't hated.  And why is that?  Because they have paired their success with a likability that the Pats don't have.  The Pats have players that engender blind hatred and feed into a somewhat irrational reaction to a possible scandal.  See Gronk, Edelman, Hernandez, Revis, Blount, and especially Belichick.   I, for one, can say that if Brady's reaction hadn't been childish laughter at the mere mentioning of possible tampering to the footballs, followed by a much more serious and thought out cover up, er....explanation, I would have been inclined to continue believing his altar boy persona.  And yes, Manning fought for the rule change I mentioned and somehow his name hasn't been dragged through the mud with Bradys... because he spends time cultivating his persona as "good guy".  He doesn't put on the piss and moan show every time he thinks something illegal is being done to him like Brady does, so please, at least own that the Pats brought this on themselves as much as FSUs "free shoe university" days brought the media focus onto someone like Winston.  History has fed this particular media storm and thus is the basis of this logical beef over deflated balls.   And there is no need to sully Bill the science dude's rep.  You point to a lack of proof.  I point to a league commish who has clearly demonstrated he works for the owners so when it comes out that no measurements were "recorded" prior to the AFC championship I simply see the beginning of a cover up much like was perpetrated during the Ray Rice scandal.  The refs came out and said both teams balls were within regs prior to kickoff.  The Colts balls stayed within regs.  Let's say for arguments sake the the Colts put their balls at the maximum allowed, which is illogical considering the weather conditions, and lets assume the Pats put theirs at the lowest legal PSI.  You could make an argument that the Colts balls deflated by the same 2 PSI that it was initially reported that Pats balls were deflated by but that hasn't been ANYONE'S approach to explaining all of it.  It's been bold faced denial.  So explain how the Pats balls were the only balls to deflate due to "weather".  And explain how the Colts made the original complaints to the league after a regular season match up, in a dome.  You can cry "circumstantial" all you want.  Too many minor pieces of evidence point to wrong doing buddy and sadly, per the Saints ruling regarding Bountygate, it means Belichick is going down cause it happened on his watch.  He can claim no knowledge.  The players can claim no knowledge.  I'm assuming your side is that the balls were never really underinflated, which is in fact contrary to fact.  The FACT that they were deflated means someone did something, and all Brady has managed to do is show everyone he is too cowardly to own up to it.  My bet is a ball boy loses his job to save Bradys rep much like a video assistant lost his job to cover for Belichick.  That's pathetic, bro.  Every QB on every network has admitted a QB would notice the deflation.  So how can Brady, being the GOAT that you claim he is, be so clueless to not notice a change in the tools of his trade.  The statistics are both malleable and damning.  I'd cite them but somehow the article I found is missing.  It was a significant distance between the Pats ability to avoid turnovers and the next best team, and and the other teams in the top 10 of the lack of fumbles metric since the rule change were DOME teams.  Dude, I can relate to people's response to what was a minor and essentially useless bit of cheating but to claim it is all a bunch of smoke, essentially a witch hunt, is kinda redic, 'cause it was cheating.  Someone cheated and it happened to a team that already cheated before.

I'll keep my thoughts short because I'm not sure there's anything else I can add. Great job, guys.

I think Rob's got a point when he says that all this attention on the Pats stems from the fact that they constantly win. Hell, they went 11-5 with Matt Cassel as their quarterback (and weirdly missed the playoffs with that record, too). It's hard not to hate that. Let's also not forget that New England is New York's nemesis, and New York media controls a lot.

For the record, I don't hate the Patriots, Red Sox, Bruins, or Celtics because they win. I hate them because 99% of their fans are obnoxious, entitled assholes who actually believe their sports teams' success make them superior human beings (of course I don't mean you, Rob). I will never understand why Red Sox fans in particular walk around like their team is the one with 27 World Series titles.

First, I will admit some things to you guys.  

1)  We are dicks.  New England fans, I mean.  Our teams are inexorably part of our own self worth.  Since they have done rather well, we pretty much run this shit.

2)  The fumble statistics make me nervous.  If this is some kind of years-long conspiracy, everything I have been saying, and everything I believe, will come crashing down around me.  I can't deal with that.  Chalk up the stats in this article to Bill's Dark Side powers and move on...

3)  Matt Walsh is a dick.  We fired him in 2003, and he is a dirty liar.  Nothing to knock us for there.

Now, on to my pompous and uncompromising defense of the Emperor and Tom Terrific:

You make some good points about why we are hated so much.  I don't get

why Bama gets a pass.  They have been sanctioned three times since

1995, and no one seems to care.  Also, every football team in the

National Football League has cheated from time to time, and no one

seems to care about that, either.  Bill is not a man to win many

hearts and minds from the podium, and Tom Brady's public persona is

one that would make many a drunk from the Bronx scream, "you think

you're better than me?!"  I guess that has a lot to do with it.

As for our "reputation for cheating," we didn't break a rule, we were

ruled against anyway, we payed the penalty, and life went on, or so we

thought.  Does anyone but PETA still want to throw blood on Michael

Vick?  Does anyone ridicule the Saints as a team that hasn't won

anything since Bountygate?  Does anyone protest Jim Irsay's mere

presence when he is clearly a giant irresponsible waste of life?  No.

Why are we so special?  Our success might not be all of it.  It might

be the perception and general lack of stupid Papa John's ads of our

GOAT coach and quarterback, it certainly might be our outrageously

entitled and irksome fans (come on, could ANYONE handle this kind of

run of success well?), but whatever it is, our public perception as

"cheaters" is completely groundless in the context of the NFL.  We

haven't actually done anything on an organizational level to break

league rules since the Snow Plow Game.  Now THAT was cheating.  People

should bring that up more.

Let's run through the timeline:

The Colts get pwned by the Pats in the regular season.  They whine about balls.

The Pats pwn the Ravens in the playoffs.  The Ravens whine about

formations.  Despite our "culture of cheating," we are immediately

exonerated, because Harbaugh is a little bitch.

The Pats pwn the Colts again.  The Colts (with tacit Ravens support)

whine about the balls again, this time publicly.

Over an issue akin to too much pine tar on a bat (seriously not a big

deal in the grand scheme of things, or should we take George Brett out

of the Hall and tar and feather him in the town square?) a massive

investigation ensues and talking heads from all corners take the

opportunity to pile on.  Has this been going on forever?  Who knows

about it?  Is Tom Brady's entire career, nay, life, a sham?

At some point, someone says that 11 of 12 balls the Pats used were

underinflated.  Why they said this and why anyone believed them

remains a mystery to this day.

Bill Nye the fucking Science Guy can't even resist the Patriots hate-fest.

Belichick throws Brady under the bus in a presser.  Brady then looks

like we ran over his dog with that bus because his integrity is being groundlessly

questioned.

The ball guy went to the bathroom.  This somehow makes the news.

Bill learns a shitload about moles and whatnot and out-sciences the

Science Guy.  He is literally the best at everything.  Ever.

Bill, who was doubted, is proven correct by a real physicist and an

article in the New York Times.  Even New York is starting to see

through the sham.

Kraft throws down the gauntlet on his boy, Goodell.  He does so with

the confidence of a man who knows what's up.

It turns out that only ONE of the balls was underinflated.  And no one

knows how they were before the game.  And no one knows how the Colts

balls were, and no one has any evidence of any wrongdoing, which is

exactly where we were before all the shenanigans began.

We won the Super Bowl.  Tom Brady drove down the field twice on the

best fourth quarter defense in the league to win the game and cement

his legacy.

I got hella drunk and screamed my voice away.

I think that brings us up to date.

Could Tom have noticed the balls were a little low?  Sure.  Is it his

job to inform someone of this?  What about the officials who handle

the balls on every play?  Are they not professionals?  Tom's job is to

win games.  Those guys are there to enforce the rules.  If they don't

see a problem, why the hell should anyone else?

I don't know if the balls were ever underinflated.  No one does.  My

side is that A) Tom and Bill are the undisputed GOAT and are beyond

reproach, B) There is more than enough plausibility to this being

either a natural occurrence or no occurrence at all for me not to

worry, C) I am forced to acknowledge that we have been hella good at 

not fumbling since 2007, and am admittedly sort of hoping for a ruling of 

"not guilty" rather than "innocent," and D) no one would care about this 

AT ALL if it wasn't us.  So cue the Imperial March, because the Empire

just struck back in a big way.  Luck Skywalker will have a new hand

next season, but do not doubt that we will be ready to go, and you

will witness the power of this fully operational battle station.

Your Star Wars references won me over.  I have nothing left to say except Luck Skywalker is gonna be my fantasy team name next year and your boys better be ready cause the bullseye on their backs just got WAY bigger.  Winning it all just fueled the population that hates the fact that all they do is win and add in the sign/shirts on display during the parade and I think the Pats just became the FSU of the NFL.  Which isn't an entirely bad thing in my opinion.  The "us against the world" narrative led to an undefeated regular season the last time so...who knows?

Dun dun dun Dun dadun Dun dadun...